Archive for October, 2006

no dummy

i'm rockin the checkin room at work (the library) and, as occasionally happens, a book comes through a time warp from the eighties just to make me marvel at the fickle hand of the weeding gods.  it's called Ventriloquism for the Total Dummy and i am perplexed by the large hole that runs through the entire book at the upper left hand corner.  apparently something used to be attached there.  when i check it in, the computer makes a rude noise and displays the message DUMMY MISSING.

i feel like i dodged a bullet.  what could be creepier than a time-warped eighties book coming to me through the bookdrop, somehow dangling a hideously leering time-warped eighties wooden dummy from its hole?  gah.

besides, the message should really say DUMMY NOT INCLUDED.  we just provide the book, people.  you gotta bring yourselves.  bwahahaha.

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i’m famous! oh and we’re doing a play.

sorry for the cryptic post, people.  i needed to post this artwork somewhere i could access it from anywhere and vox fit the bill.  but now i've finally got time to plug our performance!!

Free and open to the public, The Adventures of Silence will take place Saturday December 2 at 2:00 and 7:30 and Monday December 4 at 7:30 in the McCain Room on the second floor of Albertsons Library on the campus of Boise State University.

i guess i kinda started at the end with that, didnt i?  oh well.  it's a play.  i get to be a crazy old hermity merlin dude.  i whack people with my walking stick, eat imaginary food and completely divest the heroine of her way of life.  fun stuff.  to learn more, go hereannapants and lamassu are totally in it, too.  the pants is the title character and lamassu is her mommy.

well i gotta go to bed now.  gotta buy my beard tomorrow.  and work on my diabolical cackle.

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an african lion would just pee on him

okay, this calls for a mushy announcement.  my dear dyer lunatic has been boldly announcing our new relationship on his blog with the courage of a well-rounded, feeling 21st century man.  time for ME to cowboy up and bare my sappy soul to the blogosphere.

i, Ernie Whatsherface, am in love.  for the first time in my life.  at 31, i know.  who knew this would be the next chapter in my transformation?  tiger and i thought we'd just go out a few times to introduce me to the world of dating.  he made me dance at a wedding and plenty of other firsts i listed in my makeover post.  then he went away to school.  i started striking out on my own, dating some really strange men.  okay, one really strange man.  once.  (that's a good story for another day.)

tiger and i kept in touch, sometimes happily, more often arguing, misunderstanding or hurting each other.  that should have been our first clue.  then he came home for a visit and suddenly things were different.  terrifyingly different until we talked it through and realized that we both felt different in the same way.  we were falling in love.

for any other social tards out there, i must record for posterity that love feels kinda funny.  sometimes like indigestion, sometimes like an arrhythmia i should really have looked at.  there have been fevers, mood swings and fainting spells.  there have been rashes.  not those kinds of rashes.  i just get hives when i'm nervous.

while I am a socially-stunted 31, tiger is a courageous 19 with a trail of exes.  i had no idea, but informing them all has been quite the drama.  the toughest one yet was just tonight, sparking this post which promised you the reader mushiness.  i lied.  it is in reality ME STAKING MY CLAIM.  Like so:

BACK OFF, LADIES.
dude's mine.  get over it.  and get your own.

there, i think that should do it.  now i just have to gang tag his myspace, facebook and deviant art accounts.  i'm thankful this isn't the african savannah, or i'd be seriously out of pee by now.

excitingly, i am taking my first trip to tiger's school this weekend so i can see his dorm, his classes, his friends, his cafeteria, etc.  i don't know that i've ever been so excited to visit anyone.  or heard of so many people offering anyone so many condoms.  nice, people.  way to sleaze it up.  but thanks for the thought.

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my man gave me these

what?  the GOGGLES!  what did you THINK i was going to post a picture of??

so my dyer lunatic shows up back in town.  at shari's.  wearing goggles.  of course i had to make fun of the goggles, even though we both knew we were both thinking of the Excellent Game Psychonauts.*

*long live Raz and all hail our master Tim Schafer.

see?  we're practically twins.

raz

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