Archive for December, 2006

this is the saddest post i will ever make

just to let you guys know, tiger and i are over.  it was a beautiful three months.  we are a perfect couple in every way except one: incompatible religions.  so basically we're a match made in heaven, just different versions of it.

bring on the awkward get-togethers, the sexual tension among friends, the parties and game sessions where two people still in love look across the room at each other in impossibility.  and you all get to be a part of it!  not to mention going through it all again when one of us starts dating someone else, like busting a scab open all. over. again.  i know.  love is beautiful that way.

so i go out of 2006 the way i went in: available and on the market.  cmon, come to my house guys, come on and come to my house, dudes dudes!  ah i'm freakin hilarious.

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buttons, tchotchkes and cheetos for the christchild

impromptu nativity plays. something i had no idea was in my future, but apparently a christmas tradition in tiger's family.  it's my first christmas and, before i know it, i'm standing by the tree with a big stick and a bathrobe, the universal costume for "shepherd."  my sheep is a four-year-old wrapped in faux fur and meowing around my feet.  the angel (who has been getting ready for the last hour and i only just now realize why) climbs on the back of the couch on cue during her grandfather's reading from matthew.  she spreads her tablecloth wings and declares, "our lord has come!  glory, HAVE A LUAU!"

my favorite were the three hunky wise men (featuring of course tiger and two of his brothers) dressed in a strange combination of too-small highschool graduation robes and caps, scarves and sequins.  left to their own devices, they hastily scrounge for props.  tiger grabs an egg-shaped knicknack off a shelf and dubs it myrrh.  his closest brother snags their mother's mini sewing kit and declares, "frankinsence, for all your sewing needs!"  finally, the eldest of the three casts about helplessly for a while muttering, "gold… gold… gold…"  after a moment of stealthy activity at the buffet table, he spins around triumphantly raising high a small plate of everyone's favorite cheese-flavored puffed snacks.

the baby gurgles in her laundry basket of straw.  the sheep gets bored and walks away.  the wise men clown around, waiting for their entrance, tiger waving to me, a baby carrot jammed up one nostril.

so this is christmas.

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this is a worthless post – don’t read it

i've been watching a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation lately and, walking around work today, i realized i really love my new shoes for a completely unexpected reason.  they make me feel like i'm in Starfleet.  they're identical to that shiny black footwear the uber cool officers wear.  i'll post a picture as soon as i can find my sister's phone.

what are you complaining about?  i told you not to read it.

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downer alert

ran across an old poem of mine that describes a feeling that has snuck up on me again tonight.  it's been a long time since i've felt this fragmented, purposeless and crowded in my head.

I am where reflection splinters
I have grown already old
I am heavy with guileless winters
And all the failure this body can hold.

In hidden places I am tangle-souled,
The crush of selfs spins funhouse dizzy.
In quiet spaces I am left alone
With vampire's glass, empty, silent and cold.

I am a whirlpool of fleeting glimpses,
Fractured images,
Fragments shifting.
I am a blind, broken mirror,
Churning water, sightless,
That swallows and seethes.

not to worry.  probably just need some good old-fashioned sleep.  and maybe to vaccuum my place once in a while, sheesh, slobby.

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definitely. definitely boobies.

driving to star today.  i take franklin because it gives me the opportunity to drive past the "Kit Kat Klub."  judging by the huge letters along the side of the building, inside are GIRLS, BEER, and POOL.  as you drive by the other side of the building, the list continues with POOL, ATM, GREAT FOOD, BEER and GIRLS.

it's like the rain man of strip clubs.

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all dressed up…

are you affiliated with a college class attended by lamassu and annapants and somewhere in the boise area filming a movie set in the 1930s?  if so, then I CAN'T FIND YOU!!!  and frankly, i'm tired of wandering around in the freezing rain looking for a bunch of oddly-dressed students and a professor with a camera crew, even if i do look THIS AWESOME.

do you see now just how much realism i could have contributed to your anachronistic work?  but no, you chose to hide from me.  it's just too bad.  as toasty would say: you. get. nothing.  and see what you're missing?

see that's me searching all of boise for you, silent-movie-style.  are you crying yet?  you are, aren't you?  aww, don't cry.  i made my hat out of a paper bag.  and staples.

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so a hobbit, a boyfriend and a boy wizard walk into a blog

i'm not the only one to have pointed this out.  i'm just the only one to have photoshopped it.

it's the best i can do until i can get him to put on the curly wig or the specs and go to a premiere like that.

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