clumsily, awkwardly, scarily on the prowl

Pants can commiserate: young, eligible men are rare where i work.  so when i'm helping a patron and i come around a corner to the computer banks and catch a pair of beautiful brown eyes gazing furtively at me from under the brim of a ball cap, i do a double take.  no luck.  guy's back to staring at his computer terminal.  ah well.

ten minutes later, i'm chatting with coworkers and out of the corner of my eye catch a figure walking past the desk.  i look up in time to see those gorgeous eyes dart away from me again!  guy ducks into the restrooms.  thats it.  my ears are ringing with my male friends' words "show interest!  guys wont put themselves out there unless you show interest!"  i decide i'm gonna catch him with my biggest smile when he comes out.  i know.  some chick grinning fiercely at you upon emerging from the john, like that's gonna attract.  nevermind.  dont question me, i'm showing INTEREST.

well, he doesnt even look my way when he comes out (frowny face) UNTIL he reaches the door (smiley face) at which point he turns that gorgeous gaze over his shoulder and stares at me ALL THE WAY OUT THE DOUBLE SET OF DOORS.

great.  thanks.  what i WANTED was a DATE, dude.  disappointed, i conclude he wasnt interested enough, wasnt confident enough or wasnt AVAILABLE enough, in which case he shoulda kept his committed eyes in his head.

but what i say out loud, and what hannah hears and makes me blog is, "come back, mr. big beautiful roving eyes, come back!!"

it brings me back to something said to me on a blind date (which concluded with the admission of both parties that we had nothing in common, sealed with one hot kiss).  the guy said i could be getting out a whole lot more.  as he put it, "guys have gotta be asking you out!"

well, for your information mr. hot lips, guys ARENT asking me out.  they're either glancing at me furtively from a distance, or avoiding eye contact when i smile at them or, rarely, approaching me with small talk punctuated by long silences when they just smile at me and say. nothing.

am i scary??  do i smell??  am i not showing enough INTEREST??

in any case, i have a new theory about guys.  it's not original, but it does have a twist.  guys are teddy bears: made to look like something strong and scary, but all soft and squishy on the inside.

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6 Responses to “clumsily, awkwardly, scarily on the prowl”

  1. 1 Dylan April 28, 2007 at 8:46 am

    You're not scary or smelly, but some guys are already married? And as for the guys that aren't, well, they're just frightened boys-that-look-like-men that you wouldn't want hitting on you anyway.But I'd agree; most guys are teddy bears. Most of them just wouldn't admit it. (Adult males that admit they play cutesy chocobo or pokemans games are far and few between.)

  2. 2 mariaelaina April 28, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    Here's some sage wisdom I picked up from years of being me:
    flirting seems to work wonders, as it takes the scariness and guesswork
    out of the equation… and flirting, for men, equals merely being
    friendly, happy, and chatty.

    Let me e'splain. I was always told that I was a huge flirt, and I
    insisted on my innocence. I sent all sorts of wrong signals
    (apparently), and seemed interested when I wasn't. Then one day
    my friend Dave pointed out to me that "flirty" is basically identical
    to"friendly", and I was just too friendly. Say what? "So then I flirt with children, animals, old people, women, and a few inanimate objects?" "Yeah… pretty much. <thoughtful pause> Or maybe it's only flirting if the friendliness is directed at men." Harumph.

    Perhaps this little nugget will help, as learning the whole being friendly is flirting thing helped me seem less interested. Now I'm just a bitch to everyone. Excuse me while I go kick this dog.


  3. 3 mariaelaina April 28, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    p.s. Should have mentioned this, but you are totally hawt and should
    have more prospects than you know what to do with. It's possible
    that you smell, though. Please rub a piece of paper on your
    underarms and mail it to me. I'll give you the straight dish.

  4. 4 Ernie April 29, 2007 at 6:42 am

    thanks for the insight, guys! mariaelaina, the paper is in the mail. call it my pitmus test. blue = i'm in the clear, red = b.o. alert. let me know. šŸ˜‰ (btw your comment made me laugh so hard for so long that my sister had to come over and see what was going on!)

  5. 5 Kahaha Wahine May 16, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    Wow! I am SO stinkin' (no pun intended) pleased with this
    post! See, I told you You Need To Blog That, Ernie!! And you did. *
    smiles all huge and stuff * The only problem you'll face now is seeing
    if Mr. Roving Eyes will come back…and if he does…flash him that
    smile, baby! He won't know what hit him 'til he's either held up a
    taken left hand or sitting across from you at a great restaurant!

  6. 6 Kahaha Wahine May 16, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    Oh, and Mariaelaina (if you ever read this) you are amazingly hilarious! …shh! I'm not supposed to laugh so loud at work!! šŸ˜›

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