Hot Lunch and I take a recess

Hot Lunch is a speech pathologist.

We met several years ago, at which time I’m pretty sure he didn’t do much of anything. I mean he worked at the library with me, but come on. Really he “worked” at the library. He effed around a lot, made people laugh, and left the Joy of Sex lying open at the position “Savage Fury” just so he could get me to look at it.

Several grueling years of a Masters and a divorce later, Hot Lunch is now a slightly more responsible and sobered adult. But he still walks to his mailbox in his boxer briefs just to keep his neighbors alert.

When we started dating last summer, he was working in a hospital. Pager on the belt, receptionist who took his calls… pretty hot. But he soon took a job working in an elementary school. Less prestige, pay cut… and exactly the same time off as his kids get from school. Yeah, he’s a good dad. Way hotter. And also awesome.

It was also pleasant symmetry, now that we both worked with children, me at my library, him at his school. And our schedules lined up perfectly once a week for us to grab lunch together. Turns out teachers and guests can grab an FDA-approved nutritionally-balanced hot lunch in the cafeteria for less than $3.  Both of us watching our waistlines and pocketbooks, we started lining up with the kiddos every Wednesday and forking over a handful of change for a chocolate milk and fish sticks called “Sea Treasures” …along with some affectionate teasing from the lunch ladies. Hot lunch was a new romantic tradition.

One day, my sister asked me how hot lunch was. And how the meal was too–ha! Suddenly Hot Lunch stuck as his name. It was so… appropriate. As he said delightedly, “It’s kind of sexual!” Of course Hot Lunch can make anything sexual. If we’d named him Donkey Boy, he would have been like, “Yeeeah, it’s cause i’m HUNG! Come and get it, ladies!”

Sadly, just as I start this blog, Hot Lunch and I have called it quits. Hot Lunch is not so hot anymore… in fact he’s been growing colder for the better part of a year, increasingly too absorbed in his post-divorce emotional fallout to be present in our relationship.

So while Hot Lunch does what Hot Lunch needs to do to take care of himself–and rediscover the fun-loving smart ass we all used to know–I’ll continue to dish out the funny on my own. Some of it will be new funny that has yet to happen. Some of it old funny about the two of us.

Speaking of old funny, you don’t want to miss my ill-fated Valentine’s Day with the masturbating library patron. That’s next.


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