none of these things would ever happen

At least I hope. And they were all in this totally wiggity wack dream.

First, my front door wouldn’t stay closed. I kept pushing it shut and pushing it shut and it would just eek open again until I finally swung it all the way open to see what was out there and there was nothing but darkness and a mirror. And for some reason I started screaming. I screamed and screamed and I was making this horrible face.

Wow, subconscious. You’re being so deep right now.

But it gets better because later it’s sunny and I’m hanging around in someone’s flower bed by the corner of their house where the hose spigot is. But it works like a payphone.

I’m on the phone and I say: “DON’T TRUST HER SHE’S ASIAN” just as two super hip, stylish asian-american girls walk up behind me and look totally disgusted.

I apologize if that offends anyone, I have no idea where it came from. I think I was trying to talk Hot Lunch out of dating my former hairdresser.

And then Cupcake was back in town and all sad and teary for some reason. She kept getting all cuddly and snuggly, but suddenly stopped because she said I smelled bad.

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