Cupcake, I figured it out

Today on The Drive That Would Not End, between spilling hot drinks and rolling down the windows to air out farts, Cupcake and I were trying to think how I might rid myself of the anger I feel towards Hot Lunch. I’m not an angry person. I don’t want this anger. But here it is.

And tonight (again, while I was driving) I suddenly realized: **Warning: cheese is imminent. The overly cynical should avert their eyes.**

It’s all a part of my journey. How can I be angry at anyone who played a part in my journey when it got me to where I am today, which is so much BETTER than where I was yesterday?

Cheesey? Only if i didn’t absolutely feel it and find the realization a complete relief of bitter, angry feelings I didn’t want taking up space in my chest.

You may be saying that this way of letting go of anger wouldn’t work for you, and that’s ok. But at least take a moment to consider: if we build a habit of accepting responsibility for our lives and taking control of our journey, we have less and less reason to blame others… and that means less dwelling on angry feelings, less powerlessness and more confidence that we can make our future what we want it to be regardless of what others do or say.

And as an afterthought, part of me doesn’t want to let go of this anger because I’m afraid of letting Hot Lunch off the hook too easily, not holding him accountable for the unfortunate choices and actions that caused me so much pain over the last year.

But holding onto anger won’t really accomplish that. It will just eat me up and hold me back from moving on and living a happy life. I’m expecting my anger to function as a measurement of who he is, when it’s actually a reflection of who I am.

And I say I’m not someone who’s letting anger steal any more time out of her life.

2 Responses to “Cupcake, I figured it out”

  1. 1 Jungle Cat April 20, 2010 at 11:39 am

    An excellent post, Tink. Very insightful for both the reader and, it seems, yourself. There is a terrific educator/writer/speaker named Leo Buscaglia. Your post made me think of him. Among many brilliant things, he once wrote, “If you don’t like the scene you’re in, if you’re unhappy, if you’re lonely, if you don’t feel that things are a happening, change your scene. Paint a new backdrop. Surround yourself with new actors. Write a new play – and if it’s not a good play, get the hell off the stage and write another one. There are millions of plays – as many as there are people.”

    Maybe, Tink, you are ready to start writing a new play . . . one in which you are the star.

    • 2 sexualreference April 20, 2010 at 11:56 pm

      well said, Jungle Cat (or should I say SEX PANTHER!)

      thanks for the recommendation, I will definitely check Leo Buscaglia out.

      and as for the excellent advice, i have already begun some re-writes… we’ll see where this next play goes.

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