i shove things in my ears for you

there is a man outside my window shouting “ZOE! QUIET! ZOE! NO BARKING! QUIET! ZOE!!” while in the background some faint yipping is somewhat audible.

he is one of several neighbors with voice modulation issues. like Bedroom Yeller on the other side of the wall that my bed is against, regaling me with shouts of “AWESOME! YEAH!” randomly at 2 am. if that is a lovemaking technique, Yells, i am thankfully unfamiliar with it.

but the good news is i discovered new technology in the aisles of Fred Meyer’s pharmacy section this morning. so all you kiddos in D building who can’t find your inside voices, this is for you:

it’s a glob of silicone i mash onto the opening of my ear canal. this is what your noise pollution has led me to. this is worse than Dances with Wolves. no, it’s worse than Avatar. it’s EAR SILICONE.

we’ll see if my $1.69 was well spent. the real test will be the Thursday Night Partiers tomorrow. don’t you people have jobs?

1 Response to “i shove things in my ears for you”

  1. 1 Brandon Colker Trackback on February 20, 2015 at 4:52 am

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