people with orange tvs, this one’s for you

so my friend the Digerati. over the last several years, he has been my friend, my coworker, my dungeon master, my father on Facebook, 90% of the tech support at work, freaky tall and extra snarky. he has forced us to pioneer one online social networking tool after another, abandoning each just as the Pants gets on board, swearing to her that this next one is way cooler than how lame Airset turned out to be.

he and his wife, teh L, are obsessed with all things postmodern. or at least obsessed with making everything as postmodern as it can possibly be, which i think they know is slightly different but they don’t care. teh L kicks ass at Halo ONLINE while the Digerati sits next to her playing Chocobo on his DS and that’s a normal evening for them. and yes, i know “digerati” is the plural for “digeratus, a member of the cyber elite.” he’s just so awesome he’s plural.

Digerati and L share their technological superiority like the Federation would if unfettered by the Prime Directive: by selling me awesome stuff they don’t use anymore. every time they achieve another step in gadgetry evolution, i get a slightly used hot computer, HDTV or Xbox memory unit  at a highly sensible price.

this works particularly well for me because i want cool gadgets and i don’t want to have to learn anything to get them. i am a gen-Xer. at this point, the learning curve is too steep. we just want our i-thingy nanopods to come preloaded with Bon Jovi and Ace of Base and we don’t want to have to read any damn manuals or websites about it. technology should be PSYCHIC by now. Star Trek promised.

so when my Xbox refuses to talk to my brand new HDTV, i cry Digerati. because his job is tech support, sometimes asking the Digerati for help on his personal time can feel like asking a doctor at a cocktail party, “should i lance this?” so i send him an email at work! AND i show how much i already have investigated the problem (searching “xbox cable” on amazon) AND i ensure his investment in my problem by showing him the overpriced brand name item i am considering getting. (just say the words “Microsoft markup” if you want to get the Digerati’s eyes rolling.)

sure enough, Digerati advises me to buy an hdmi cable from! and he sends me a link to this hellish page.

look how tiny the chunk in the middle of your scrollbar is! that list is HUGE! and it has words like “ferrite core” and words that aren’t even words, just jumbles of numbers and letters, like “28AWG.” AWG just happens to be precisely the sound i’m making as i scroll up and down trying to decipher my options.

a couple weeks later, it becomes clear to the Digerati that i have still ordered nothing from his Monoprice, i am still watching nothing more than SNL on his HDTV, so he takes pity on me and WALKS TO MY DESK to discuss the options with me. the difference between all those AWG male-to-male ferrite core thingies? length and color. it IS a man’s world.

me: “why would anyone want all these colors?”
D: “so people can match their different entertainment systems?”
me: “with THESE colors? who has a jumpsuit-orange entertainment system?”
D: “someone MIGHT, e. way to be insensitive to all those people with orange tvs out there.”

sorry, orange tv people. i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. so i am dedicating this Monoprice-page-length post to you. plus the D said he’d help me choose my cable as long as the story turned up on my blog.


2 Responses to “people with orange tvs, this one’s for you”

  1. 1 Dylan Baker June 16, 2010 at 7:54 am

    Wow, that first paragraph summary is pretty much me in a nutshell! Now I know who I can get to write my biography when I’m all rich and famous and stuff.

    And I take it back: you’re right about no one having a jumpsuit orange entertainment system. I don’t think Monoprice actually even has that color cable in stock; they just list it on the website to add layer on the confusion for anyone actually looking for a plain ol’ HDMI cable.

    Thanks for the blog post; I think I got the better end of the bargain. (But now maybe we’ll get hilarious Xbox posts once your cable arrives?)

  1. 1 2010 in review « Sexual Reference Trackback on January 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm

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