there was this sound when I went Mac, guys, I swear something went KAPOW!

I have a confession to make, Reader. I lied when I inferred that I was still making up my mind about what computer to buy. The truth is that a cascade of events has already been set in motion.

Event #1: Temptation. Digerati and Motormouth teamed up to corrupt my mind by whispering one word over and over at me, with psychedelic hand motions, until it replayed in my sleep…

MacBook. MaaaaacBoooooooook.

The price tag is horrendous. But in the time that Mac owners like Digerati, Motormouth and Cupcake have been happily using the same laptop they bought years ago, I’ve been through several frustrating demises of PCs.

Event #2: Discovery. At the Apple store online, there is a refurbished MacBook Pro for the same price as a new MacBook.

MaaaacBooooook Prooooooooooo!

Event #3: Realization. One day last week, I decided to visit the local MacLife store on my way home from work, then walked around with butterflies all the way down to my toes all day, just like when I have a date after work. Hold up. This new computer might also be a viable substitute for Hot Lunch?

Event #4: Strike out. Despite Motormouth’s ominous warning not to hold my MacLife experience against Apple, I was still caught by surprise. I walk in and say I’m looking into maybe getting a MacBook Pro and MacLife guy jabs a finger at a table of laptops and says, “There’s the MacBook. There’s the Pro. You can try them out. Let me know if you have questions,” and quickly walks away. The consumer in me feels adrift, but the librarian in me knows why: THIS IS A REFERENCE INTERVIEW FAIL. Here’s how it should have gone. MacLife guy: “Oh! What led you to the MacBook Pro? What computer do you have now or have had in the past? Have you had a Mac before? What are your computing needs? Where did you acquire such fantastic fashion sense?” Any or all of these questions would have proven helpful, or at least appreciated. Strike one, MacLife.

I walk myself over to the Pro, sit down and open Safari, intending to view a few web pages and get the overall feel.

You are not connected to the internet.

Huh. Hard to get the feel for a computer when the demo can’t do the task that I spend 90% of my time doing. Strike two.

I open the text editor and type a few things. (“I am excited! I want this computer! My shoes feel sweaty!”) By this time, MacLife guy #2 has walked a couple of people over to try out the MacBook Pro that I am on. I’m just wasting time and now I feel awkward, so I step aside for them. As MacLife guy #2 is scurrying away, I catch him and ask about their financing options. Is it just the card I saw online? I get a fairly irritated lecture.

“Well THAT is the APPLE store. WE are not AFFILIATED with them. WE are MACLIFE. WE are a SEPARATE ENTITY. WE have been in business for FIFTEEN YEARS.”

All things I have no way of knowing because your store representatives don’t initiate any kind of interview, choosing instead to react to interested customers’ questions with Borg-like diatribes. Strike three. Thank you for your time, MacLife. Goodbye.

Event #5: Kapow! 15 minutes later, I am irritated and drinking a beer at home. (Also uncannily like I just had a date.) I get online. There’s that refurbished MacBook Pro at the Apple store, taunting me with its $300 savings and seamless aluminum unibody.

MaaaaacBoooooooook. Proooooooooooo…

That’s it! I feel pissed. I feel drunkish. I feel reckless. “I never do ANYTHING impulsive!” I shout aloud to myself. Next thing I know I’m applying for a $1000 Barclaycard and moments later a MacBook Pro is in my shopping cart and I have clicked SUBMIT.

“What have I done?!?” I immediately ask myself. Myself answers, “Only the BEST THING EVER.”

Apple takes a long ass time to send a confirmation email. While I’m obsessively watching my inbox, a message from HP pops up. “Please give us feedback on your last support experience! We look forward to helping you with your future computer needs!”

Sorry, HP, it’s over. I’ve moved on. Switched teams, if you must know. Sorry MacLife, there won’t be a second date. Me and Apple have this thing. It’s intense and it’s completely satisfying for both of us. You wouldn’t understand. A love like this is worth the 3 to 5 business days’ wait for free shipping.


2 Responses to “there was this sound when I went Mac, guys, I swear something went KAPOW!”

  1. 1 Motormouth August 25, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    #1 – so glad Digerati and I are in your brain while you sleep. Our plan to slowly take over the world is working

    #2 – maclife sucks, apple rocks

    #3 – I am insanely jealous of your computers aluminum shell and sleek amazingness. I am not racist, but my white plastic outerbody just does not compare

    #4 – welcome to the club. Once you go mac, you won’t go back

    • 2 sexualreference August 27, 2010 at 1:10 pm

      ha! i heartily agree on all counts. except your computer is still amazing and you produce amazing art on it!

      and you and digerati are sure to succeed, as long as you’re on the same side as apple.

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