Posts Tagged 'books'

got me some bloggin to do

it feels like a lot of life happened recently. for a while there, life took a break and i was just doing a lot of thinking about life. then a whole buttload of life just up and happened. so here’s some updates.

first. the aforementioned Wisdom of a Broken Heart has seriously changed my entire life and how i relate to it. i have greedily bought up all the books by Susan Piver and gone through them with my save-the-tatas pink sharpie, highlighting all the pearls of insanely good wisdom in there. i have started a daily meditation and freewriting practice that is seriously teaching me things. ten minutes of sitting, staring and breathing. much like what i do the rest of the day, only PRODUCTIVE.

second. Hot Lunch and I are again partners in crime, only in a wonderfully comfortable and satisfying friendship with way less awkwardness than you’d expect between two people who have seen each other’s orgasm faces.

we started hanging out again over the weekend and i was taken aback by the sensation i had forgotten from our beginnings last summer. spending time with Hot Lunch is like suddenly finding myself immersed in something more breathable than air. like i thought i was breathing before, but a few exchanges, a few laughs, some shared ideas and suddenly the air we’re breathing is simultaneously easier and more beautiful. and the sexual tension isn’t half bad either.

third. i don’t know if you people have noticed, but SUMMER IS HERE, BITCHES!! and i have discovered this year’s preferred mode of fitness. two years ago it was walking/jogging, last year it was biking. BEHOLD, dear Reader, THE YEAR OF THE POOL. yes. i have discovered the pool in my apartment complex and i’ve been in it THREE DAYS IN A ROW. the first two days i mostly sunbathed and occasionally walked around in the shallow end on tiptoe wearing a grimace of pain (do they pipe this water in from SIBERIA?)

but today, i decided to try some fitness! what is a normal workout in pool terms? i decided to aim for 10 laps or 30 minutes. i made 8 laps in 25 and strolled sexily back to my deck chair. where i became increasingly (but sexily) exhausted until i finally decided to head home, which is when i made the unsexy discovery that some freaky fitness alchemy had fused my limbs into PURE LEAD. i forget, isn’t there something about exercise underwater being twice as effective? I CAN’T MOVE MY BODY, PEOPLE. i may die of pool. and just as THE YEAR OF THE POOL was beginning so auspiciously.

i am now crashed in Ugly Chair with a giant glass of water, several ibuprophen and an ice cream cone. Drumsticks have electrolytes or something, right?

who knew there were so many books about orangutans

i opened outlook at work today to find an email from the library (specifically from the circulation department right over my head) saying that there was a book on hold for me that i’ve never heard of, much less ordered for myself.

this happens a lot. librarians like to order books, movies and cds that made them think of a particular fellow librarian. and they have no qualms about going into that fellow librarian’s account and ordering it in his/her name. after a while you get used to the lack of privacy and just decide to feel special that someone was thinking of you.

of course, in the days of Hot Lunch, it was a method of guerrilla warfare, putting sexually explicit material on hold for each other. it started innocently with a bunch of books about orangutans. like book after book of those goofy-looking orange guys showing up all week for Mrs. H. then it quickly escalated into dating guides (He’s Just Not That Into You), self-help works on emotional disorders (Stop Hating Yourself Now),  improving your bedroom technique (The Guide to Getting It On), improving your bedroom technique (The Photographic Kama Sutra) and improving your bedroom technique (The Joy of Gay Sex).

until one day SOMEONE (Mrs. H) didn’t look carefully enough and put some helpful material on STDs on hold, not for “Hot C. Lunch” our smart ass coworker, but “Hot C. Lunch” the Perfect Stranger who happened to be in the fourth grade and who happened to have a humorless mother who happened to pick up his holds for him. i repeat, NO sense of humor. the era of i-got-you-back-now-everyone-thinks-you-have-genital-warts-ha-ha was over. we were just glad no one got fired.

the mystery book on hold for me this morning was The Wisdom of a Broken Heart by Susan Piver.

i know i’m easy to make cry these days, but it’s no less significant that my eyes teared up when i read this. i’m trying my best to put on a brave face at work and not make everything be about me and my drama (whereas everything FEELS like it’s about you when you’re heartbroken… it says so right on page 2 of the book, so i’m normal) and i informed so few people of the breakup because of the shame i felt at being ditched by the local celebrity that i don’t even know who knows but i do know that if they know, then they found out through whispered rumors. which feels as awkward and seventh grade as it sounds.

but someone out there knows. and was concerned enough to think of this book for me. and then my and Hot Lunch’s former coworkers and friends silently processed and shelved the book under my name. it feels like everyone knows, everyone feels bad, and everyone wants us both to feel better as soon as possible. and that means something big to me. even when i’m so alone, i’m not alone.

so far, the reviews and the introduction are super encouraging. i’m going to dig into chapter 1 before turning out the light tonight. i plan to have a pen, my journal, and plenty of kleenex available. it feels good to be DOING something instead of always FEELING something or trying NOT to feel something.

i’m so grateful i wish i knew who to order the orangutan books for.

it drinks your beer and doesn’t pay rent

this is me.

Big Rabbit's Bad Mood by Ramona Badescua brilliant writer named Ramona Badescu was nice enough to write a story about me and artist Delphine Durand captured my likeness with eerie faithfulness. except that the nose is not quite as phallic as mine is in real life and my ears are bigger. but that’s pretty much the look on my face. every time Cupcake sees me she says, “you’re making the face. what’s wrong?”

what’s wrong is i’ve been living with this bad mood for over a month now. it follows me around and messes with me when i’m trying to do stuff.

bad mood messing with stufflook at me trying to do stuff. look at the hapless look on my face. and you’d think i’d be happy with all that stylish furniture to sit on. but this is how i look most evenings.

lying on the flooryes, i am lying on the floor. the remote works just as well from there. and my mood is so bad it’s killing my houseplants.

and that’s not the only thing i can blame on my bad mood. who else do you think is leaving all those dirty wine glasses and zinger wrappers in the living room? and all of last week’s outfits on the floor in the front hall? according to the book, my bad mood even left that pile of boogers by the couch. gross!

my bad mood is why today at work i crabbed at Pants over some dying goldfish. it’s also why i considered flipping the bird at a little kid on the way home for making rude faces at me from a Toyota. my bad mood then almost convinced me to make the bang-you’re-dead sign at him (which, in my aviators and cupcake’s studded leather jacket, would have looked KICK ASS). and ultimately my bad mood is why i just burst into tears instead.

like this.


don’t make faces at me, mean little kid. i can’t just laugh it off right now. i’m stuck with this mood.

in the book, the bad mood disappears because all rabbit’s friends show up with presents and it turns out it’s his birthday and everyone throws him a party.

this sounds suspiciously like a daydream rabbit is having while lying on the floor. meanwhile the bad mood is eating the antenna that brings in the sweet HD (dear bad mood i had to buy a new one saturday night thanks a lot love tink xo).

what makes YOUR bad mood disappear? let’s all list the real things that make our big, hairy, bad mood go away. and tape it underneath the coffee table where we’ll see it just when we need it most.