Posts Tagged 'bugs'

we’re going camping, bitches!

That title is thanks to the Pants. Thanks, Pants.

Yes, it’s true I am CAMPING for the first time in my adult life, not counting that time I went to youth camp and it turned out to be an actual campground not some cushy scout lodge, but I have blocked out the majority of memories from that experience so it doesn’t count. Plus we had flush toilets – mostly backed up and unusable – and outdoor showers whose walls were teeming with colonies of burrowing bugs. Beyond that memory is only darkness. And lots of sulking and refusing to partake in the crafts.

But I am an ADULT now! I have conquered (mostly) my germophobia! I am ready to NOT SHOWER. To sleep on hard, bumpy ground! To share my most intimate moments with insect life! (I was peeing in a pit toilet on a Ridge to Rivers trail just the other day and I SWEAR I saw one of the mob of flies fly UP MY BUTT. Maybe it’s still in there and now I can relax knowing I never have to be alone again.)

So Hot Lunch loaned me an ass-load of his camp gear for this trip, including a box of cookware. As I put the clanking box in my trunk, a cloud of garage dust and cobwebs flew out of it.

Hot Lunch: “You got the box? Good. It’s mostly full of…”
me: “Spiders?”
Hot Lunch: “Uh… Yeah. Mostly.”

There’s no time to run the pans through my high-temp sani-rinse dishwasher with one of my Seventh Generation detergent pacs. We’ll have to rinse it with drinking water before we start cooking. I’m not even packed yet and the dirty has already started.

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dang that is some sweet cover

i just cant get over my own handiwork.  that book cover is so beautifully hideous, i cant stop gazing at it.

the best part of the dream, tho, was when i signed a copy for a fan with the dedication, "i hope a bug eats YOUR face off!"

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what if these bugs were so big they could EAT YOUR FACE OFF!

i just dreamed i authored a children's non-fiction book on insects by that very title.  i could see the cover and everything.  how 'bout it, huh?  huh?


now THAT'S what i call edutainment.  YEAH.  eat your FACE off, pbs!

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