Posts Tagged 'conversations'

i know a lot about badassery. and orca.

one of many conversations between Hot Lunch’s two angelic-looking boys, Joaquin (7) and Diego (4), in the backseat while driving around town:

J: I know a lot about math. Diego, what do you know a lot about?
D: Killer whales eating people.

customer service is my middle name — er, names

i just spent the evening at cupcake’s new Mini Mansion, and let me tell you the M squared is SWANKY already, even though she still has some big furniture pieces to move in tomorrow, she doesn’t have quite all her art hung yet, and she’ll be the first to tell you she won’t move in until the ice maker has produced a healthy crop of cubes. a girl has to have standards.

while cupcake was pondering where to put her freaky indie art piece featuring a man with an octopus for a face (she rejected my suggestions of “in the trash” and “behind something big”), i continued sorting through a bin of MY OLD CRAP that i’d brought over. i discovered some old notes i’d written to myself about funny things that happened while i was working the circulation desk years ago, intending to put them in my blog at the time. well, four blogs later, here they are! better late than never!

customer service skillz in person
me: How are you?
patron: Good.
me: Good! Thank you! (it’s an automatic response, but i sound so touched at being asked!)

customer service skillz on the phone
me: What’s your last name?
patron: My name is Claudia S. Bering. Do you need my number?
me: No.
Claudia: (pause) 555-3539.
me: I can only find a large print copy.
Claudia: Regular print is fine. Do you need my number?
me: No.
Claudia: (pause) Is that a yes?
me: No!

customer service skillz with families
kid: Dad, I need to go out to the car and get something.
dad: Get what?
kid: Just… something.
dad: What something.
kid: My… library card.
dad: Isn’t that your library card?
kid: No.
dad: (beat) Looks like your library card.
kid: It’s… just… Dad, can I just go to the car please?

customer service skillz with… everyone else
(Vague Woman is accompanied by Beret-Wearing Man who doesn’t speak)
Vague Woman: I don’t have my card. (offers driver’s license) Berger-Munch, Candice.
me: (looking her up, i find a record with all the same information, except with a first name of Jocelyn.) Umm… We have you under Jocelyn!
Candice: That’s right.
me: (pointing to driver’s license) But here it says your name is Candice.
Jocelyn: Ohhh… (shakes head like this happens all the time) Too many names… (trails off, nodding and smiling in a “you know” kind of way)

makes me miss the crazy days of circulation.

fear not, i have changed all the real names (and some of the fake ones) to protect the local wildlife. and p.s. is Berger-Munch like the best made-up name ever? i know.

except bifocals won’t fix crazy

actual conversation in the staff lounge today:

Mrs. H: Who’s that in the picture?
Mrs. T: Mike and his daughter.
Mrs. H: And you?
Mrs. T: … That’s Mike.
Mrs. H: With the long hair?
Mrs. T: … Aaand the beard.