Posts Tagged 'dreams'

and you are reminded that your heart is absolutely indestructible

Susan Piver is at it again with great heartbreak advice like “stepping off the self-improvement treadmill” and instead “developing methods of extreme self-care.”

Making self-care sound like a sport that requires wearing protective gear made out of neoprene and PVC makes it even more engaging for me. But what is extreme self-care? One example is “allowing your feelings to be just as they are without attaching a narrative to them.” Feeling brokenhearted? Open to yourself and listen to those feelings without necessarily rising to action to DO anything about them or explain them away. Feeling fragile? Susan says to “accept yourself on the spot.” Do it over and over as you navigate the unpredictable waves of emotions that come even for months after a broken heart. According to Susan, opening to yourself and accepting yourself and your feelings is a “gesture of gentleness” that can lead to great wisdom. Give it a try. It’s totally true.

I woke up feeling fragile this morning. Why? I’m sick to death of working out my worries and feelings about Hot Lunch ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT FOR MOST OF THE LAST DAMN YEAR. I feel like I’m doing awesome with the healing thing during the day, but I have no control over what my mind does when I’m asleep. Boo.

I guess this heartbreak is another thing that isn’t done with me yet. So I’d better quit tuning it out and listen some more. And suddenly I find myself grateful for the open door heartbreak represents. A broken heart is an invitation to touch the real, deep things in life and in yourself and to stop living on the surface of things.

This morning, I’m diving in with this meditation. Care to join me?


i’ve heard in dreams the house represents aspects of the Self

took a cold-induced 3-hour nap today full of super vivid, heartbreaking dreams of Hot Lunch’s touch, his smell, his nearness.

finally a woman who was almost like my mom handed me a balloon and showed me to a hatch in the ceiling. i climbed and climbed through the rafters of an old, rambling house until i found the sky and my little balloon carried me away.

but me no have ice cream

i wish i had a post awesome enough to live up to that title, but i have to tell you instead that those are simply the first words that popped into my head when i woke up this morning.

weird, Subconscious. but i’ll take it. especially after the chaos you’ve been throwing at me lately, where my head is such a noisy place that every morning is like waking up to people arguing in my room. cave man cravings for desserts are welcome. thanks for speaking up, Brain Stem!

there has been only one other statement recently to awaken me fully formed like that. less dairy-related, but deep nonetheless, it was: “i was the most beautiful thing to come into your life since your children and you crushed me because i scared you.” i am grateful to have that bit of realization just handed to me, with no awareness of effort on my part. i’m thinking if i go to bed with my bills, yoga mat and a recipe or two what other things can i get done?

never mind. i’d rather dream about ice cream.

none of these things would ever happen

At least I hope. And they were all in this totally wiggity wack dream.

First, my front door wouldn’t stay closed. I kept pushing it shut and pushing it shut and it would just eek open again until I finally swung it all the way open to see what was out there and there was nothing but darkness and a mirror. And for some reason I started screaming. I screamed and screamed and I was making this horrible face.

Wow, subconscious. You’re being so deep right now.

But it gets better because later it’s sunny and I’m hanging around in someone’s flower bed by the corner of their house where the hose spigot is. But it works like a payphone.

I’m on the phone and I say: “DON’T TRUST HER SHE’S ASIAN” just as two super hip, stylish asian-american girls walk up behind me and look totally disgusted.

I apologize if that offends anyone, I have no idea where it came from. I think I was trying to talk Hot Lunch out of dating my former hairdresser.

And then Cupcake was back in town and all sad and teary for some reason. She kept getting all cuddly and snuggly, but suddenly stopped because she said I smelled bad.

three good things

One. Beyond Blue is always so informative and thought-provoking (thank you Cupcake for the many articles you’ve forwarded me) but I found the video portion of this post particularly encouraging today.

Two. I am finding funny blogs to read. (thank you funny bloggers!) And speaking of dreams, i took a two-hour nap today and dreamed I was sleeping in an abandoned restaurant and there were skiers outside my windows, waiting in line for the ski lift.

Three. I went out to dinner with the Pants. While we were waiting for our table, the lobby suddenly filled up with prom goers in mile-high heels, up-dos, sequins and satin. Awkward eye contact ensued. I was so focused on NOT staring at the strangers in fancy dresses that it was a while before I realized I was full on staring at the Pants’ boobs instead.

I don’t think she minded.

dang that is some sweet cover

i just cant get over my own handiwork.  that book cover is so beautifully hideous, i cant stop gazing at it.

the best part of the dream, tho, was when i signed a copy for a fan with the dedication, "i hope a bug eats YOUR face off!"

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what if these bugs were so big they could EAT YOUR FACE OFF!

i just dreamed i authored a children's non-fiction book on insects by that very title.  i could see the cover and everything.  how 'bout it, huh?  huh?

now THAT'S what i call edutainment.  YEAH.  eat your FACE off, pbs!

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