Posts Tagged 'hsb'

you wish you had my friends

so yesterday i blogged about my piteously cold work environment and mere hours later kahaha wahine showed up randomly weilding a hot sandwich for me.  YEAH, you wish you had my friends.  but instead, you really should be thankful for your bowels.

because it was an EGG sandwich.  i am allergic to eggs.  but not like i-eat-nuts-then-i-die allergic.  it's more like playing russian roulette with my digestive system.

but there was SO MUCH LOVE in this sandwich!  i had to eat it.  I ATE THE LOVE!  yes, i ate that love and it was HOT, BUTTERY DELICIOUS even though i knew i would come to regret it later.

so THANK YOU, kahaha wahine, o better friend than me, for your SELFLESS ACT of BUTTERY DELICIOUSNESS!!

and i ended up not regretting it TOO much.  perhaps all that LOVE counteracted my allergy.  not something i would gamble my life on, but when it's just russian roulette with my large intestine, hell yes i'll play and eat me some DELICIOUS EGGY LOVE.

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chocolatey, peanut-buttery, flannelly hibernation

she sleeps all the time.  she dresses hideously.  she subsists on peanut m&ms and butterfingers.  and she's back.  my cave-dwelling alter-ego, the Frumpinator.  come december, it's like me in a bear suit.  i am not responsible.

i'm sitting at my desk, wearing my coat and scarf.  my nose is so cold it's running.  when i got a paper cut just now, it didn't bleed.  i'll tell you why.  my fingers were TOO DAMN COLD.  i sat there, staring at the open red cut on my sheet-white finger, thinking, I'm too cold!  I'm too freakin' cold to BLEED!  then i put on gloves and ate a cookie.

there is no problem that can't be solved with heath chocolate chip and a few more layers.

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somebody upstairs hates me… i think it’s the IT guy

but i jest.  because our IT isn't a guy, she's a gal.  and she works on the floor below mine.  and she doesn't hate me.  but i'm running out of reasons why MY WORK COMPUTER WON'T WORK.  i've been waiting for about the last ten years for the main program i use to just OPEN its ass.  what works fine is anything completely unrelated to my work duties.  like say, blogging.

that's it.  my computer's trying to get me fired.  well i have three words for it.  control.  alt.  delete.  BOOYAH!!

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and now are you ready for an… HSB FRUSTRATION UPDATE!!!

this is how i worked for a year.  using the end of a table instead of a desk, fighting for space with a Nestle ice cream freezer and a behemoth of a DVD vending machine (that blue "wall" behind my chair), shooing patrons and children away from my computer when they thought it was a public station, and constantly answering the question, "Do you work here?"  i ask you.  when was the last time you had to walk up to the library's circulation desk and ask, "Do you work here?"  some professional image we're projecting here at the hidden springs branch.

which brings us to: my new desk situation at hidden springs.  as in, i finally got one.  about a year after i asked (repeatedly) for it back.  only, setting it up, none of the computer cords reach properly, they trip me when i get up and sit down or roll my chair–wait, no i CANT roll my chair because some GENIUS had our maintenance guy REMOVE THE WHEELS because she "didn't want kids rolling around on it" while i was gone.  if people would INFORM themselves, they'd know that in the old days of HSB, i had not only an ACTUAL DESK, but a REAL COMPUTER that i actually LEFT OUT HERE in a LOCKED CABINET and yes, yes, i had a fucking CHAIR WITH WHEELS!

*pant pant*  sorry.  i'm just so sick of people acting scandalized when i ask for things that used to be commonplace out here only a year or so ago.  "WHAT?!? you dont want to lug your laptop and all its paraphernalia back and forth between libraries every week?  you dare leave it in a locked cabinet at the branch library?!?  i'm not sure if we can approve that!"  "WHAT!?!  that chair that was designed to ROLL, you want it to actually HAVE WHEELS?  you'd rather not scrape around on five wheel-less stumps while the broken-down seat leans forward like it's trying to pitch you out and the staples-and-cardboard-reupholstered back support flails wildly, beating you on the back and rattling so loudly you draw furtive looks from patrons who are supposed to respect you after a sight like that???  what's wrong with you??  huh?  huh?!?!"

*grumble grumple brrumbe*  (<—those are actual typos that i left in.  i'm REALLY dired)

coming soon: the hsb death drive–100 miles in two days.  can you say hella mileage reimbursement?

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i’ve been in this car too long

i found a use for the chip in my windshield.  the truck in front of me has a bumper sticker of a chihuahua and, if i close one eye and unfocus enough, i can line up that little dark crescent-shaped blur so it looks like a bad piece on the pooch's head.  rest assured, i made this discovery sitting at a stoplight, not while driving.  though, if anything were to persuade me to drive with one eye shut and the other crossed, it would be a miniature dog in a toup.

we wont even talk about the denture-wearing squirrel who taught me to steer with my feet so i can blog this right now.

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