Posts Tagged 'librarians'

did you know libraries are chock full of crazy

I bring you a live report from the public desk at the city library. I am entitling it: “I’m tired of the disgusting coughing and strange questions here this week.” OR “My compassion limit is maxed out for your TB and questions about the satanic bible.” Both the title and contents are all Cupcake’s words, unless otherwise noted.

[me: How’s work?]

Well in total, this week the staff here has dealt with:

  • is my apartment haunted can you find news stories about suicides that occurred there in your archives
  • where can I find a witch doctor
  • can you find a copy of the satanic bible for me
  • how much room is at the end of a condom
  • OH and what can I do if I think someone has put a spell on me.

Sigh.

I am worn out from the crazy.

[me: Wow. Must be October.]

Also the other day this lady came up to a librarian and shouted a name at him in a mean and angry way. Then just stood there. Turns out it was the name of an author she was looking for.

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE?

I feel like it’s increasingly my job to manage othe people’s bad behavior.

[me: Yeah. Sometimes being a librarian is like being a 2nd grade teacher for adults. I am typing your tirade into a post as we speak, by the way.]

Thanks.

A scary man just gave me a weird look.

nsfw IM (hot stuff!) ;) ;)

[colleague]: I lost my screen saver and I’m hoping that you’ll know where to fond it! Whe u have time of course. Hope u r feeling better…

[colleague]: Oops, find it.

[me]: ha!

[me]: i could fond it for you too!

[me]: but you have to take me out to dinner first!

[colleague]: maybe not at work though…

[colleague]: LOL!!!

[me]: HA!

[me]: awesome

[colleague]: I think I need a cigarette!

art feature: Troubling Men

Troubling Men

dealing with conflict 101:

when presented with a difficult work situation that you have little to no control over… make art!

this is the groundbreaking technique being pioneered by Cupcake and her fellow Picassos at the city library. in the face of malfunctioning technology and shady customers, these resourceful women get out their MS Paint and go to town, Hyperbole-style.

case-in-point: an email comes around that the printer-management machine is eating people’s money, IT has been notified, and there is nothing to do now but wait. WRONG! Cupcake responds to the email with a helpful: “I think I may have seen something like that the other day.  Please see attached picture.”

stunningly lifelike rendering, Cupcake. she notes in particular the presence of the “Jason Mraz Hat.” thank you, Cupcake, this will undoubtedly help in diagnosing the problem. Jason Mraz’s hats are known to lead to all sorts of mayhem, like rampant scatting.

not to be outdone, Cupcake’s fellow Picasso responds with a further development. SHADY CHARACTERS loitering about the machine.

noting the similar hats, Picasso suggests these troubling men may be the beast’s henchmen. troubling indeed, Picasso. the red hands, the long beckoning arms, the somnolent expressions and the Old World attire… it all adds up to something. i can’t wait to see further installments.

clearly we at the county library have been lax not to have been drawing mayonnaise for the last year.

i’ll never date a patron again

searching old emails for something today and instead ran across this oath i swore to a friend a few years ago and i think it’s a good reminder to all single librarians. next time an athletic build and dazzling smile tempt you to consider taking a patron relationship to the next level, pause to remind yourself of two simple statistics.

  • the majority of relationships come to an end
  • the majority of your patrons have no common sense

having given no thought to these a few years ago, this was my observation in retrospect:

i dont think i’ll ever date a patron again. makes it super awkward when he has the poor taste to keep using the library.

seriously. you can pick up your girly oprah book on cd at the branch 3 miles down the road so i don’t have to look at your face anymore.

sorry, Pierced Personable Baritone whom I’ve recently been flirting with… i just remembered it won’t work out.

i put big babies in people

spent a lovely evening celebrating with a group of librarian friends at the instigation of a couple among us who surprised us by announcing their first pregnancy. i am giddy with renewed reassurance in the good things in life. i can’t think of two people i would love to see reproduce more.

next came the nachos, the pitchers of beers (except for the expecting parents) and the talk of due dates, sex and eventual size. no question there.  “I put big babies in people,” he stated with confidence. when everyone’s laughter had died down enough for her to sweetly ask him what he had said that was so funny, he diplomatically rephrased, “I was just speculating that I would have large offspring.”