Posts Tagged 'libraries'

did you know libraries are chock full of crazy

I bring you a live report from the public desk at the city library. I am entitling it: “I’m tired of the disgusting coughing and strange questions here this week.” OR “My compassion limit is maxed out for your TB and questions about the satanic bible.” Both the title and contents are all Cupcake’s words, unless otherwise noted.

[me: How’s work?]

Well in total, this week the staff here has dealt with:

  • is my apartment haunted can you find news stories about suicides that occurred there in your archives
  • where can I find a witch doctor
  • can you find a copy of the satanic bible for me
  • how much room is at the end of a condom
  • OH and what can I do if I think someone has put a spell on me.

Sigh.

I am worn out from the crazy.

[me: Wow. Must be October.]

Also the other day this lady came up to a librarian and shouted a name at him in a mean and angry way. Then just stood there. Turns out it was the name of an author she was looking for.

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE?

I feel like it’s increasingly my job to manage othe people’s bad behavior.

[me: Yeah. Sometimes being a librarian is like being a 2nd grade teacher for adults. I am typing your tirade into a post as we speak, by the way.]

Thanks.

A scary man just gave me a weird look.

Advertisements

gotta pee

Working the public desk. Putting the final touches on a girl’s request form while she waits. You become aware of another child hovering nearby awaiting his turn to ask a question.

What’s remarkable about this situation is THE CHILD IS VIBRATING INTENSELY. Something between a convulsion and maybe some kind of high-speed version of the Humpty Hump is going on in this child’s body. You look up to make eye contact or at least rule out seizure and are greeted by this face:

You: “Do you have a question?”
Child: “W-w-where’s your b-bathroom?”

This is when you leap up so fast you almost knock over your chair and you run him to the bathroom. It’s been 92 days since you had to get out the SuperSorb and you’ll make it to 93 even if it’s over the mown-down bodies of innocent bystanders.

Kids. Using their powers of courtesy for evil.

life’s hard, especially if you’re made of synthetic materials

I entitle all my storytimes for quick reference purposes later. Last week’s storytime was “Extraordinary Poultry.” There were chickens saving lives and ducks wearing underwear and we danced the Chicken Dance and it was extraordinary.

I tidied up my work space today FINALLY, sifting through a pile of papers and junk while Motormouth laughed and snapped candids and Facebooked them for the world or at least my network to see my shame. I found a lot of things including not my dignity but at least my storytime puppet that went missing last week (wearing a smooshed look between a stack of reports and craft supplies) and a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, which I’d finally given up and paid for a month ago.

I also ran across a storytime plan from April 2nd. It was entitled “i just broke up ha!” Wow. I’d forgotten that morning after Hot Lunch and I broke up was really something. I brandished the piece of paper at Motormouth and described what it had been like:

I remember I’d just kept thinking, How am I doing this? How am I going around like my life didn’t just end last night, smiling and storytiming and singing SHAKE YOUR FUCKIN SILLIES OUT!?!

Whew. Life is much better now. In fact, I’m doing pretty good on the loving myself front. I took myself on my first date, just the one of us, a couple of Fridays ago. For my first try, there were only a few slight hitches.

I got embroiled in a one-sided conversation with my waiter that I didn’t know how to extricate myself from without wolfing down my meal and escaping. Which I did. While in line for my ticket I got a phone call from my mom who, when I boasted about what I was doing, responded thusly:

me: “I’m going to see Toy Story 3 by MYSELF!” 😀
Mom: “Oh I’m SO SORRY! What happened? Where is everyone?”
me: “I don’t know, I didn’t ask. I wanted to go by MYSELF!”
Mom: “Well I’m so sorry I’m not in town, I could have gone with you! We’ll take a rain check, ok?”
me: “It’s ok, Mom. I’m here on purpose. By myself. It’s FUN!”
Mom: “Ok then, take care of yourself, ok? And I’ll go to a movie with you when I get back.”

Toy Story 3 turned out to be a bad choice given the conditions. Long story short, if you were the family seated near the strange lone woman mopping tears from behind her 3D glasses, I am sorry for creeping your kids out. Blame those sadists at Pixar.

nsfw IM (hot stuff!) ;) ;)

[colleague]: I lost my screen saver and I’m hoping that you’ll know where to fond it! Whe u have time of course. Hope u r feeling better…

[colleague]: Oops, find it.

[me]: ha!

[me]: i could fond it for you too!

[me]: but you have to take me out to dinner first!

[colleague]: maybe not at work though…

[colleague]: LOL!!!

[me]: HA!

[me]: awesome

[colleague]: I think I need a cigarette!

art feature: Troubling Men

Troubling Men

dealing with conflict 101:

when presented with a difficult work situation that you have little to no control over… make art!

this is the groundbreaking technique being pioneered by Cupcake and her fellow Picassos at the city library. in the face of malfunctioning technology and shady customers, these resourceful women get out their MS Paint and go to town, Hyperbole-style.

case-in-point: an email comes around that the printer-management machine is eating people’s money, IT has been notified, and there is nothing to do now but wait. WRONG! Cupcake responds to the email with a helpful: “I think I may have seen something like that the other day.  Please see attached picture.”

stunningly lifelike rendering, Cupcake. she notes in particular the presence of the “Jason Mraz Hat.” thank you, Cupcake, this will undoubtedly help in diagnosing the problem. Jason Mraz’s hats are known to lead to all sorts of mayhem, like rampant scatting.

not to be outdone, Cupcake’s fellow Picasso responds with a further development. SHADY CHARACTERS loitering about the machine.

noting the similar hats, Picasso suggests these troubling men may be the beast’s henchmen. troubling indeed, Picasso. the red hands, the long beckoning arms, the somnolent expressions and the Old World attire… it all adds up to something. i can’t wait to see further installments.

clearly we at the county library have been lax not to have been drawing mayonnaise for the last year.