it is not the anniversary of Jaws today. yesterday wasn’t either.

hello.

i would LIKE to have blogged tonight that it was such an awesome coincidence that yesterday, the day my shark act went belly-up, was the 35th anniversary of the day Peter Benchley’s Jaws opened in theaters. i could have made a clever joke about how it’s a good thing the movie didn’t flop like i did! har har har!

but unfortunately for you, Reader, i double check my facts. especially when my source is a distracted Hot Lunch talking to me on the phone while he struggles simultaneously with a new kitten that thinks his shin is a scratching post and with the decision of whether or not to go out at 9:45 on a Thursday night to see MacGruber by himself for the second time.

but i digress. i am checking facts. whoa these IMDb search results are numerous. i forgot how many jaws movies they made. and there’s a buttload more with just “jaws” in the title. BRAIN…TOO…TIRED! let’s see… i need a movie with a release date similar to 2010. it’s an anniversary date. it will end in a zero too, right?

i KNEW it! not ONE of even the jaws-in-the-english-translation-of-the-working-title movies has a release date ending in zero! Hot Lunch is talking crap again! i’m sorry, Reader, i thought i would have an interesting post for you, but it was based on LIES!

wait. i have math. a 35th anniversary… would that mean a release date ending in a 5 instead? oh. as in Jaws the original. which came out in 1975.

hm. i might have to eat my words.

NOPE! it says here that Jaws was released on June 20th! that was NOT yesterday! it was not even today! Hot Lunch, your irrational fear of sharks despite never having left your landlocked home state has clouded your ability to process facts reliably! my blog post is totally ruined! I WIN!

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hello.

isn’t it a hilarious coincidence that yesterday as my shark act was going belly-up, Peter Benchley’s Jaws celebrated the 18th day until its 35th anniversary? good thing the smash hit shark thriller didn’t make as big a flop as i did! har har har!

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this post was totally dumb and pointless. i hope you didn’t read the whole thing.

you did? oh.

i’m sorry. maybe you’d enjoy the new MacGruber movie.