2010 in review

WordPress: making undeserved public gloating easier than ever! I got all this information in an email with a big LAZY BUTTON that magically turns it into a post… perfectly designed for bloggers like me who have succumbed to laziness and want to relive the glory days when they actually wrote shit.

But stay tuned… holiday antics have been going down. Oh yes.

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

I draw a lot. I did not draw this. This is Hyperbole and a Half. Why is this my featured image, WordPress?

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,500 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 117 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 236 posts. There were 92 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 8mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was August 3rd with 47 views. The most popular post that day was tear 😥.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were healthfitnesstherapy.com, en.wordpress.com, WordPress Dashboard, alhome-finance-guide.com, and statistics.bestproceed.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for “claudia bering”, “shit my pants”, funny sexual referances, funny stuff pictures of animals, and kevin spacey.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

tear 😥 August 2010
2 comments

2

people with orange tvs, this one’s for you June 2010
1 comment

3

about me April 2010
4 comments

4

big spoon little spoon July 2010
6 comments

5

Not that kind of hump day April 2010

Forward Progress

I have something to admit, Reader. I started another blog. I know, I feel like I’ve betrayed you. First I give you a blog promising sexual references but delivering actually more poop jokes, then I start writing a WHOLE OTHER BLOG. And there’s no sex on this other blog, either. There’s a simple reason for that and it’s mainly because no one wants to make sex with me right now. But just because I’m temporarily knocked out of the dating game doesn’t mean you should be deprived of the ENTERTAINING AND SALACIOUS CONTENT that discerning, naughty readers like you deserve to expect!

And that’s why I started Forward Progress. Actually I didn’t start Forward Progress because I have no love life, but rather because the football season is starting, which conveniently distracts me from my lack of love life. And there’s not actually anything salacious on there… just some lame drawings. LAME DRAWINGS! You know what that means! It means I am continuing my DRAW ONE THING challenge on the new blog because it fits my desire to always make FORWARD PROGRESS in life.

And conveniently, FORWARD PROGRESS is also a term in football! See, already a DOUBLE ENTENDRE, sexy readers!

Oh and did I mention I’m secretly crazy about football? Click over there and read all about it!

it’s a WordPress basket, so it’s respectable. and a little pretentious.

Writing has never been so easy. With the click of a few buttons, I have TRIPLED the size of my archive! Look, it looks like I’ve been blogging since FOREVER! No, don’t look. Those early posts are kind of lame. They’re really lame. They’re from my LiveJournal. Back when I was living with my parents. At age 30. Mostly I talked about my cats.

But since Vox is closing down this month, I thought I’d import anything I’ve ever written online in my various blogs so they’d all be in one place. Like cute little eggs in a basket.

There is someone of indeterminate age and gender (could be a boy, could be a woman) wandering around shouting “ETHAN! JEDEDIAH!” like a Deliverance recreation under my balcony for the last quarter of an hour and I’d like it to stop. It’s a little early to break out the ear silicone, but I will bust that shit out banjo-style if I have to.

Update your blog already! But let’s do this thing first.

This conversation is indicative of why I never get any blogging done:

Cupcake: Did you blog yesterday?
me: No.
Cupcake: Why not! Bitch please!
me: I didn’t have any time! I didn’t have a spare second from the moment I got up at 6 to when I went to bed at 11. I went hiking, shopping, tubing the river and saw a movie. I think I need some down time today.
Cupcake: Down time sounds great! Let’s have some down time by the pool.
me: Umm. I won’t get any blogging done there either.
Cupcake: I’m okay with that.

big spoon little spoon

Pants and the Original have started a blog to chronicle their long-distance road together to matrimony over the next five months. Check it out!

This isn’t the official artwork for the blog, just my take on it.

It is a unanimously agreed-upon fact that the Pants and Original really ARE so cute it’s a little disgusting. For example, the name of their blog. I’m pretty sure their biggest disagreement is quibbling each night over who gets to be in front while they spoon to sleep. The coveted, cuddled position of “little spoon.”

When the speaker is really sleepy, I understand sometimes spoon gets replaced by nonsense words. Like bear. Or fish.

“Roll over… I’ll be the big… the big… fish. Zzzzzzzz…”